2-17-04
Silly Stupid
Remember how it feels to be silly stupid over someone? Do you remember that rushy, heady, giddy feeling of liking someone - having an attraction and knowing it was returned? Remember how it feels when you first start playing the romance game, and the ridiculous things you think to yourself, or ways you go out of your way to see them?
Remember the thought that would go into just what you're going to say when they call... or better yet - that waiting for the phone to ring, and then feeling like you're going to explode with happiness when it does? How it feels to spend an hour and a half on what you're going to wear, and then loving it when they notice? Putting your absolute best self forward with all that anticipation...
Remember how it feels to lay eyes on your crush and see them smile, and know that smile holds just as much promise as yours does? Remember what it feels like to have that whole road of romance wide-open, and filled with possibility... The promise of everything you ever wished for right in front of you. That wonderful what if...
My friend is experiencing this right now, and I've been thinking about it all day long. I swear, I have been so excited for her. I could hardly wait to see her tonight so that I could get the scoop, hear all the details. I'm giddy for her. I'm giddy remembering how wonderful and alive you feel when that's going on.
It's great fun, living vicariously through someone else. At least it is in my case, because I am pleased to inform you all that I still feel that way about my man.
Granted, its not as adrenaline-based as it used to be. It's a different silly stupid. It's a silly stupid that I feel I am so lucky to still feel after being with him for four years. For me, this is a record. It never lasted this long for me.
After all we have been through, and particularly given the circumstances of our life together right now, we still get shmucky-lovey with each other all the time. I still get a pitter-patter-thump in my chest when I see him sometimes. I still smile when the phone rings, and it's him. His kisses ruin me. Still. We are silly stupid for each other, and vibrantly in love. This has never changed for he and I.
Life has thrown a lot of crap our way, and we both have had to battle our demons, separately and alone. But through and through, that man loves me with all his might, and I love him back just as much. I am so lucky. And I felt really compelled to tell the world tonight.
Hope you all have loved like that. And if you're not still doing it, or you've never experienced it - I hope it is waiting somewhere down your path for you.
2-12-04
Well Happy February to you all. I have not posted in here in almost a month. I have been so busy, it's unreal. I can't believe how fast time has flown by.
For those of you who actually read this, if you found me, you noticed that I moved my journal and personal portion of the site to a "secret" location.
I guess I am just tired of worrying that some old buzzard who owns a company that wants a website, will read my ramblings here and decide they dont want me to work for them. The professional woman is a lot different than the person who writes her crazy thinking here. :-)
I am also applying for the Web Developer position at my place of employment, and I really hope I get this job. Since I decided I want to stay in California for a while, and not move to Reno, I've been hoping for something to happen that might put me back into the place of building and working on websites full time.
This job, would really expand my knowledge base, help me to learn a ton of new technology and potentially catapult me at some point into the webmaster postion at the college. I hope I get the job! That would seriously rock.
Other than that, my life is really good right now. I've got a lot on my plate, but it's all good stuff. I am bidding a big job for a local non-profit. If that goes through, I will be glued to this chair for a month, but the financial reward for it will be immense! I'd actually be able to put a grand or two into savings, and buy myself a new computer. Yeah!
My good friend Tina is moving in this weekend or next into my house. This makes me happy, since she is one of my close friends, and I absolutely adore her. I am sort of lonely all by myself here, and the rent is killing me. So, it will work out beneficially for all involved, I hope.
Hmmm, what else? OHHHHH! Everyone loudly wish my Tony a congratulations on 30 days clean today! He is still in his program, and he is doing amazingly well. I am really proud of that man. He was really close to giving up, and he didn't. He looks and sounds fantastic, and one day at a time, he is staying clean and working a program. Really. I am very glad for him, and for me.
Not much else... I'm looking forward to a four day weekend, and God, I need it. So, I am going to enjoy the beautiful weather here, and just kick back.
I hope this finds all of you well and blessed,
Love, Jenn