10-28-2004
IM a good storyteller, sometimes...
The following is an IM conversation I had with my buddy at work. I don't know why, but I just cracked myself up with this one. The story is pretty funny too - very indicative of a young Jenn. Enjoy it -->
webgirleey: want to hear a funny story?
cool co-worker: sure
webgirleey: ok
webgirleey: here it is: (typing)
cool co-worker: k
webgirleey: so, when i was a girl in junior high, i was very very very shy and also a complete dork
webgirleey: i was not popular, at all.
webgirleey: (idiots!)
webgirleey: and there was this girl named Lisa C$%#$ who made fun of me all the
time
webgirleey: she was a total bitch
cool co-worker: k
webgirleey: and she singled me out and humiliated me repeatedly in school
webgirleey: in 7th grade, 8th grade
webgirleey: i HATED her buts
webgirleey: i mean, guts
cool co-worker: probably hated her buts too
webgirleey: and her butts (which she hopefully has a total fat one now)
webgirleey: anyways, i digress.
webgirleey: so, my ninth grade year, i finally had enough
webgirleey: the first day of class, i am in science, and a spit wad flies over the room to my desk, and lands on my folder
webgirleey: in my usual shy style, i went to the bathroom to cry over this
webgirleey: and i went home that night vowing to never return to school again
webgirleey: my mother, the therapist - asks me why i am so upset
webgirleey: and when i tell her the story, she tells me to "tell her to stop making fun of you" and "she
only makes fun of you to make herself feel better"
webgirleey: i go to school the next day
webgirleey: more spit wads and leering and name calling
webgirleey: i tell her "stop making fun of me! you only do that so you can
feel better about yourself!"
webgirleey: she laughs in my face and mocks me
webgirleey: (fucking great, mom)
webgirleey: and then the next day
webgirleey: she proceeds to humiliate me in the worst way possible
webgirleey: she gets a boy I had a crush on to make a comment to me
about my non-existent boobs
webgirleey: *death by humiliation*
webgirleey: but now i am fucking pissed off
webgirleey: beyond any shyness
webgirleey: so, i approach her at lunch in the quad
webgirleey: and she is talking with all her popular friends
webgirleey: i stalk up to her and shove her so hard she falls on her ass
webgirleey: and say, with spittle flying out my mouth
webgirleey: "if you EVER talk to me again, you CUNT - I will kick your ass
so hard you wont find it for a year"
webgirleey: haaaaaaaaa
webgirleey: she never bothered me again
cool co-worker: nice!
webgirleey: moral of the story:
cool co-worker: sounds like something I would have done
webgirleey: NEVER, EVER tell your kids to solve their bully problems with stupid
therapeutic bullcaca like that
webgirleey: tell them to stick up for themselves, and resort to violence if necessary
webgirleey: although, i believed for a while i was going to hell for
saying the "c" word
cool co-worker: I would tell my kid to kick them in the shin and then nail them with an uppercut and then a left hook
webgirleey: yeah, i know you would
webgirleey: but my mom, the pacifist - had a better plan
cool co-worker: or I would hunt the little shit down that was messing
with my kids and kick their ass
webgirleey: damn tree hugging hippie
cool co-worker: and that girl now is probably a fat ugly beeotch
webgirleey: ok, e-nuff story telling
cool co-worker: k
webgirleey: i have to work now
cool co-worker: me too
webgirleey: nice iming you, as usual
webgirleey: ttys
cool co-worker: cheers
cool co-worker: dork!
cool co-worker: ;)
webgirleey: yeah, SO?
webgirleey: watch out, or i'll call YOU the C-word
webgirleey: lol
cool co-worker: wouldn't be the first time
and now, for your viewing pleasure - I present......
A really good picture of Tony and I!
10-26-2004
we're not in kansas anymore
As many of you - my faithful minions (or minion, more like it), know - I work at a community college. In my daily adventures at work, I have plenty of opportunities to observe our country's fine future in action. And observe I do. And I can be either seriously frightened or sometimes totally inspired, depending on the day.
Students never cease to amaze me. What I am about to say next could really just be a blanket statement about most southern californians in general, not only cc students. You see, it's raining today. It's a chilly October day, and the news was predicting rain, this rain being most similar to the rain we had last week, one would assume that most people might have an umbrella in their car, pull their coat or windbreaker at least from the dusty closets and throw it in the trunk - just in case.
But no. This is So. Cal. and I just trudged across campus in the pouring deluge (dry and warm in my tennis shoes, sweater, coat and under my umbrella because I WATCHED THE NEWS AND LISTENED TO THE RADIO and PREPARED) and to my amusement, I witnessed the following:
Sighting #1 - Man wearing a t-shirt, red beach flip-flops, shorts and a TRASH BAG running while cursing (in spanish) and skidding all over the pavement, for cover.
Sighting #2 - 20 something girl wearing miniskirt, studded belt and drenched sweatshirt scurrying for cover, mascara running down her face like some 2 year old played with his fingerpaints on it
Sighting #3 - A teen girl, wearing cutoff black cotton shorts, a t-shirt, a 3/4 sleeve hoodie and PINK SPARKLY SLIPPERS walking brisquely with her tennis racket as her umbrella.
Yay for California. And yay for the rain. And double-yay for girls in slinky wet t-shirts and fuzzy slippers.
10-22-2004
warmongers and hunter s. thompson
There is an excellent article written in Rolling Stone Magazine called "Fear and Loathing, Campaign 2004". It's long, but in typical Thompson eloquence, absolutely fabulous and thoroughly enjoyable. Please GO READ IT.
BULLETIN
KERRY WINS GONZO ENDORSMENT; DR. THOMPSON JOINS DEMOCRAT IN CALLING
BUSH "THE
SYPHILLIS PRESIDENT"
"
Four more years of George Bush will be like four more years of syphilis," the
famed author said yesterday at a hastily called press conference near his
home in Woody Creek, Colorado. "Only a fool or a sucker would vote for
a dangerous loser like Bush," Dr. Thompson warned. "He hates everything
we stand for, and he knows we will vote against him in November. "
Thompson, long known for the eerie accuracy of his political instincts, went on to denounce Ralph Nader as "a worthless Judas Goat with no moral compass."
"I endorsed John Kerry a long time ago," he said, "and I will do everything in my power, short of roaming the streets with a meat hammer, to help him be the next President of the United States."
friday fun
My personal favorite - "Give
Bush a Brain" -
Or "Slap
the Candidate" (check
out Nader in the gold lame bikini)
And now, for your story of the day.....
"How to humiliate oneself in a group of co-workers"
Preface - While at work yesterday, I was explaining to my co-workers (whom I am friends with - thank God) that I was playing the "Give Bush a Brain" game, and it was cracking me up. The part that was funniest to me was the actual audio clips of things that our illustrious president REALLY SAID.
Jenn - "It just cracks me up and makes me mad all at once, that this man is OUR NATION'S LEADER, and all he does is mispronunciate words or make up his own words, as he sees fit. It's really ridiculous!"
Friend who shall remain nameless - "Mispronunciate? Did you just say mispronunciate?"
Jenn - "I don't know, did I?" (As I am scrambling to remember if that is a real word or if I just made a total ass of myself, while insulting the President of the United States for MISPRONUNCIATING words)
Friend who shall remain nameless - "Yes, sweetie - yes you did. You said mispronunciate"
Jenn - Quickly changes the subject with abject horror.
Later, I made a joke about this, because it's never good to make a fool of yourself, without copping to it publicly.
Hilarious. I have to just laugh at myself, and at the Universe's sense of humor. As it commonly sees fit to remind me of my own fallibility - especially when I am making fun of someone else's.
And yes, I spell checked this entire post.
10-19-2004
the epic misadventures of snootles
Tony and I have a cat, and his name is Cyrus. We sometimes call him - among other names (depending on what he is doing), Cyrus von Snootles. It's a nickname given to him by my good friend Chuck, and no - I don't know why Chuck called him that. But he did and it stuck.
Von Snootles has been our kitty for a long long time, and I love him so. He is big and black and has a total attitude problem. He thinks he is human, and demands human food regularly. He also demands that if I won't feed him human food, that I "freshen" his food at least 2-3 times daily.
You may think I am kidding, but I am not. Snoots wants his food freshened with new food from the bag, on top - or he will turn his nose up at the dish and mewl. And mewl. And mewl. And mewl some more. He also won't eat food out of his dish after I pour it in there unless I pet him and tell him how handsome he is.
Cy was originally only Tony's cat and he loves Tony with a ferocity and loyalty that we all could learn something from. He tries to follow Tony to work sometimes when he walks, and Tony has to stop several times to shoo him on home. Cyrus thinks that Tony is the greatest, and vice-versa. The two of them have an understanding with each other, and as weird as it sounds - one which is built upon mutual respect and a ton of love. Tony would run in front of a car for Cyrus, and Cyrus would attack a 400 pound lion for Tony.
But I digress. Cyrus has several bad habits, one of them being that he is a bully and he likes to beat other cat's asses, regardless of how clawed up he gets. Cyrus is a total punk in this way - he cares not why he might be kicking another cat's ass - he cares only to do it for the experience. This behavior, as you can well imagine - has landed Tony and I in a ton of trouble.
We are animal lovers, and our little kitty boy is a remorseless bully, who regularly beats on the other cats in the apartment complex with a strange fervor and viciousness that is frightening, to say the least. Then he comes home, and acts as cute as can be, loves on his sister (Sascha- the other cat) and sleeps peacefully on the foot of the bed.
So, I did not want to believe the crazy cat lady when she said he was attacking her cat every day. That he waited for her cat to come outside (by her front door), and then would latch on to her cat like a friggin pit bull, fur flying and screeching. I had to witness this debacle on my own before I believed it.
So, now knowing the extent of Cy's problems, and faced with the horrifying prospect of paying one of her cat's veterinary bills - Tony and I had no choice but to put Cyrus on lockdown several days a week. This way, the crazy cat lady can let her cats out without fear of the horrible attack-cat beating on them.
Cyrus is not pleased. He is used to going where he wants, when he wants. So, he has taken to some other strange behavior - one in particular, which is to wait until it is 3 or 4 am, and then scratch at the front door and cry. I should remind you, that Cyrus is NOT A SMALL CAT. So his scratching and crying could wake the dead. And not pillows, shoes or loud "PSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTT's" from Tony will stop him from this ridiculousness.
Eventually, one of us has to get up and lock him in the living room with the cat box, and a very loud "SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY", in order for him to stop. Many times, he just continues on with the scratching on the hall door.
So, now as you can imagine - Tony and I are sleep deprived almost nightly. (Even though Cyrus is not locked in every day - we can't let him out while it's still dark because of the coyotes) And here Tony and I were complaining about sleep deprivation when we had a baby staying with us for a few months.... HAH! That goddamn cat is worse!
It never ceases to amaze me the irony of things. Just thought I'd share.
10-14-2004
it's never too early in the morning to bash bush
I have a new favorite Liberal and his name is Jon Armstrong. You can go visit him here. I just finished reading his semi-real time blogging about the presidential debates last night, and I am already feeling flushed with the familiar loathing and revulsion that lands in my mind at least 2-3 times daily now for our illustrious president, Monkey Boy Bush.
The comments on that post Jon made are what cracked me up more than anything. Well, that and Jon's comments about my favorite blogger ever, Dooce. I missed the debates, but watched a bit of commentary on CNN about it. I'm not sorry I missed it.
I already know who I'm voting for - anyone other than George Bush.
Despite the fact that I am a very leftist liberal, I would vote out of party if I really felt that George W. Asshole would be a better president for this country than my party's candidate. However, I don't believe that. I think Scooby-Doo would do a better job running this nation than Bush does.
Typically, I would avoid getting into a political rant in my weblog, mostly because I have felt at times that I was not educated enough in the political realm to really have a well-versed and knowledgeable opinion on things. However, I have been paying attention, America - lots of it, and I feel like I have the right to voice how I feel. Fuck off if it bugs you. Go check out someone else's website.
I think George W. Bush cheated to get into office, and he is NOT MY PRESIDENT and never has been. And I believe that if he manages to get elected for another 4 years to office, the state of our nation will become so much sorrier than it already is.
What terrifies me, besides George's stance on Religion and Government or his support of this fake-ass War that never has been in any way, a "WAR on Terrrah" - is the undisputable fact that in the next four years, there will be an opportunity for our President to elect three or four Supreme Court Justices. Appointments like this are lifetime appointments.
If this country re-elects George Bush, it's very likely that he will elect more justices into those open slots like Justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas, who represent the views of the far-right wing in the Supreme Court. Check out this website for more info -(its a lot of reading, but very interesting) http://www.pfaw.org/pfaw/general/default.aspx?oid=11113
This is why leaders of the Religious Right political movement and their allies' goal is to ensure that the president nominates Supreme Court justices who share their same view of the Constitution. These views include extreme opposition to socially progressive and landmark cases, such as Roe vs. Wade.
A shift in balance in the supreme court could potentially mean that cases like these might be overturned! Roe vs. Wade hangs in balance already by a thin thread. It would take only two more votes on the Court (in addition to Scalia, Thomas and Chief Justice Rehnquist) to eliminate federal protection for the right to choose.
What, America? You want to go back to back-alley abortions with coat-hangers? Let's not provide sex education in the schools either, since KIDS SHOULD NOT BE HAVING SEXUAL RELATIONS. Let's just pretend it ain't happening! Let's just REFUSE to face things as they are, refuse to try and find solutions with integrity that work for all, and instead hand them a bible and a tell them to pray to Jesus. Because, after all - they just need to be saved.
What the fuck is next? Stoning of women who are adulters? Maybe we should just resurrect the Ten Commandments, and put those in place of the constitution! I guess they just skimmed over the First Amendment - Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
I'm sorry, I respect your religious beliefs - you can have them, you can live by them, you can love them - I hope they make you happy. But in the same way that I will respect what you believe, please respect that I DO NOT SHARE YOUR OPINION. And to me, America is about freedom. Freedom of religion, freedom over my body, freedom of what I choose to say. DONT TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME with your Christian Coalition Bullshit.
Terrifying. This is truly terrifying. My old belief that my voice was left unheard, so why bother speaking is BULLSHIT. I matter. And even if George W. Bush gets re-elected, I can say - for the second time - that I did not vote him into office, and know that it was not my apathy that did either.
VOTE, People! VOTE! Get off your ass and let your voice be heard.
10-8-2004
seattle
I love the Pacific Northwest. There is something about Seattle that makes me feel like I am home. I love the cold, I love the rain - and I love the GREEN. The sea, the mountains, the beautiful homes nestled next to tall trees - the fresh air, the people - the oddities. I sometimes feel a pull and a longing so strong to Seattle, and Washington - that it hurts.
Every time I have visited my dad there, I don't want to leave. I mean, I want to go home - I miss my man, my friends, my kittie-poos. But I don't miss California. I love where I live - don't get me wrong. But I think I love it here because of the people. I just love my life - not necessarily Southern California.
There is just something about Seattle that calls me. In the short time I have spent there in my life, I felt more at home than anywhere else that I have ever gone. And I really beleive that if I ever get into a place in my life where I want to buy a home, have a dog, and grow roots - it's going to be there.
Shhhhh... don't tell my mom. She'd FREAK out. And then buy me a pretty scarf and a matching umbrella to use when I'm cold. Seattle, Seattle -here I come. Someday soon....
Dan - don't get upset. I mean like in some years from now.... LOL
10-5-2004
sniffer
Did you know that one of the great things about when you quit smoking is the ability to smell better? Yes, my sniffer is now working WAY better than ever before. Today, at about 6:45 am, I was walking up to my office and I could smell the salty air, the eucalyptus trees (mmmm), wet, cut grass and bacon from the cafeteria all at once. I almost died with pleasure! It's SOOOO nice to be able to smell things again! Except cigarette smoke. That stinks, but I think I am just hyper-sensitive.
Did you know that one of the horrible things about when you quit smoking is the homicidal rage coupled with hysterical tears of emotion? Yes, I am a total fucking lunatic. Just ask Tony. He'll agree, quickly with that statement. I have been a complete nut the last few days. And I am wearing the patch!
This is much harder this time than it ever has been before. I think it's because I really don't want to quit smoking. I LIKE SMOKING. Do I like the stigma attached to it? NO. Do I like the nasty smell? NO. Do I like my health in the shitter? NO. Do I like how expensive they are? NO. Do I like being ADDICTED to them? NO! Why do I want to smoke then, you ask?
I have no fucking idea. But I do.
So having to quit when I don't particularly want to sucks the big one. And I miss it constantly. And I think about having a cigarette all the damn time. This reminds me of what it was like when I first quit drinking. Ugh. It was EXACTLY THE SAME feeling. Then my head tells me "You can have just a drag.... it's not a big deal...." and so on and so forth.
What a joke. The good news is that I AM NOT FOOLED by this silly prattle in my head. It is a big deal. Smoking is NOT what I am going to do anymore. I mean, how cool will I feel when I have no foot and I'm lighting up a cigarette? I wonder if it would be worth it to me then?
I highly doubt it.
I went for a run last night on the beach. A RUN, people! I was running! Like someone who doesn't smoke, running! It was great! I watched the sun set in my running shoes, with a sheen of sweat on my forehead, breathing heavy and coughing up years of tar - but I WAS RUNNING! That was cool. I forgot how much I used to love the high I got from that. It's a good one.
So, perhaps the benefits of being a nonsmoker will soon outweigh the headache of quitting. I think so. I hope so. Because if it doesn't, I am going to end up murdered for my obnoxious, withdrawal-induced snide comments.
In other news, my wonderful boyfriend surprised me with the BEST PRESENT EVER! Shoes! And not just any shoes, dear internet - THESE SHOES. These $175 shoes. Those shoes that he saw me drooling over at the John Fluevog store the last time we were on Melrose. (note to all men - if you ever want to fully impress your woman, REMEMBER something she sees in a store and comments on, and then buy it for her as a surprise. It will score you more points AND get you laid more regularly than you can ever imagine!)
Now, I know that regular, non-shoe whore people are asking, "Why the hell would ANYONE purchase shoes for $175?" But, if you are a shoe whore, like me and my amazing, fabulous boyfriend - then you need not ask that question. You know.
