9-21-03
I have not posted here in a long time. I guess I have just not felt like writing. I am doing okay. I am growing and changing a lot in my life today - I am in a process and evolving. I am riding a crazy rollercoaster of emotion, and just sitting back and trying to take it all in. I think I have hit a plateau in my life - a time where I need to grow or just stay stuck. And I am really tired of staying stuck. So, I am searching, and trying things differently. I just have not felt like writing about it here.
I have been meditating more, and seeking, slowly, a deeper relationship with my divine light. I was doing some reading online and I found a few things I really liked. I decided to post them here.
Surrender
"When we surrender to God, we surrender to something bigger than ourselves—to a universe that knows what it's doing. When we stop trying to control events, they fall into a natural order, an order that works. We're at rest while a power much greater than our own takes over, and it does a much better job than we could have done. We learn to trust that the power that holds galaxies together can handle the circumstances of our relatively little lives.
Surrender means, by definition, giving up attach-ment to results. When we surrender to God, we let go of our attachment to how things happen on the outside and we become more concerned with what happens on the inside…surrender doesn’t obstruct our power, it enhances it… "
excerpts from A Return to Love
by Marianne Williamson
THE TWO WOLVES
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that was going on inside himself.
He said, "My son, it is between 2 wolves.
One is evil: Anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt.
The other is good: Joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith..."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one I feed."
-- Author Unknown
9-1-03
Happy Labor Day! I hope everyone has a good day, I don't have to work, so this makes me happy. I love paid holidays! Yes, I do.
I had a nice weekend, and despite the tone of my last entry in this weblog, I am feeling good. Things have changed, they always do.
I am not sure I am ready to hope for anything specific (what a liar I am, of course I am hoping) - today I have a lot of faith that things are going to really be okay and work out for the best.
I apologize to all who read me (like 2 of you) for how dramatic and emotional I have been in my log for the past eight months. I know I have been going through it, and I know I needed to write about it too, it helped me. But I am sick of myself, and I am sick of the whining too.
SO - on to bigger and better.... Over the weekend, I was witness to a miracle. I watched my best friend's first child come into the world. Jordan Mae Martens was born on Saturday, August 30th at 6:48pm. She arrived weighing 8 pounds and 1 ounce, and 20 inches long. My best friend was a trooper! Labor is a bitch (not that i know personally, but from the look of things, I am not interested in that any time soon!)
But I watched two people fall madly in love with their little girl in about ten seconds on Saturday. It was so beautiful. It made me realize, once again, that life goes on. It made me think about the neverending cycle of life and death, and I felt such joy for them. That little girl will be very loved and I am excited to get to see her grow.
Yesterday, I went to the park for a picnic with some friends, and watched the motliest crew of addicts play a impromptu game of softball.... It was hilarious - dudes in house slippers and wallet chains - smoking on third base. What a riot.
We also played volleyball, and got our asses smeared all over the court by a hispanic family - who talked long shit the whole time. It was great.
Last night, I went to the beach, and sat there with someone I love deeply, and watched for the first time in my life, the Red Tide. I have never seen that, and it was really cool. The waves glowed in the dark - it was one of those snapshots that I think I will keep forever.
I am feeling grateful, and happy today. I am blessed.
Hope everyone has a great day today....